I Still Feel the Same
by Muffy the Dough Slayer
Summary: Based on previews for 6.03. Slash. Cas thinks about Dean and his brief life as a human while in Heaven. Things might have changed a little and time might have passed, but he still feels the same. Kind of pre-slash, one-sided. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so…for the previews for tonight's episode, episode 3 of Season 6, Dean said he was going to call Cas. And Cas shows up. But in the first episode, Sam said Cas hadn't been answering his prayers. So why does he answer for Dean?

Just a small something that popped into my mind while listening to the song 'World Turns' by Secondhand Serenade. Enjoy! Please review!

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**I Still Feel the Same**

Heaven was quiet. Normally, that was good. It was supposed to be quiet and peaceful. But life with the Winchesters had left Castiel feeling used to constant bickering, loud noises, shouting, and the sound of gunfire. Being without all of that was certainly a change, and at first, he had thought about leaving Heaven again to go back to Dean, even though the elder Winchester probably didn't want to see him again any time soon, after the way he'd left. It wasn't as though Castiel had meant to leave so suddenly, though. No, he had only thought it best and he hadn't known what else to say. It had been clear, in the Impala after Sam had fallen into the cage with Lucifer and Michael who had been in Adam, that Dean was supremely angry.

And Castiel hadn't known quite how to handle it, as though Dean were angry at him as well, and he'd never been very great at handling his charge's anger. So he'd left, which, thinking back on it now, probably hadn't been the best choice where Dean was concerned.

Even so, he checked in on the human every so often. He was happy with Lisa and Ben, having a somewhat normal life even if the loss of his brother was still sharp within him. He was living and laughing. Castiel missed his laugh and the sound of his voice - really, he did. It wasn't as though Dean had laughed all the time when Castiel had been with the Winchesters. No, the laughs had been few and far between, but when they had happened and had appeared truly and honestly, sincerely, then he knew Dean had meant it. And they were usually always happy laughs Dean had these days, with Lisa and Ben.

A part of Castiel wanted to be the reason Dean was laughing, like when they had gone into that bar that one night, when Castiel had thought it was to be his last on Earth. Even though Castiel had been greatly confused at the time, what with the anger that girl had shown after he'd told her about her father and the post office and with the way Dean had laughed afterward, it had been nice to hear him laugh. It had been real - not fake.

It had felt nice, being able to help his charge like that. But it was more than that, Castiel knew. He had a certain fondness for the Winchester that he couldn't quite explain. He did not feel it for anyone else, not even his Father. He loved his Father greatly, dearly, and all of his brothers and sisters here in Heaven, but it was different. He did not think of them as he did his charge.

Castiel had taken notice of the feeling right before Dean had tried to say 'yes' to Michael, right before he'd tried to give up everything they had been fighting for. That had definitely felt like betrayal. God had been missing and hadn't wanted to be found, and Dean had been all the angel had had left, and then suddenly he'd tried to throw it all away as well and give in. Castiel had to admit he might have gone a little overboard in hitting Dean as he had at the time, but it had felt necessary. He had wanted the human to ache as he had when Dean had banished him from that room.

From what he had seen of humans and the Winchesters, one only got so angered and behaved as such when love was involved. Though Castiel was an angel, at the time, he'd been becoming more and more human. He'd been experiencing emotions, the foremost anger and hurt and betrayal, mostly for his Father, but then for Dean as well when he went and tried to ruin everything by saying 'yes'.

And afterward, he'd realized that niggling emotion at the back of his mind, always present but never truly acknowledged until then.

Love.

For Dean.

Dean Winchester, of all the humans in the world, had managed to make the angel love him. As obnoxious and rude as he sometimes seemed, he had managed to cause the angel to rebel from Heaven for him and get killed, not only once but _twice_. For him. Because he'd asked him to.

If that wasn't love, then Castiel didn't know what was.

He'd never told Dean, though. Probably never would, really. He doubted he would ever talk to Dean again, really. Jimmy's body had been destroyed, over and over, but had been brought back by God twice. When Castiel had returned to Heaven, he had finally allowed the body to go to rest, Jimmy's soul already at peace in the arms of the Lord. So even if he _did_ manage to really get back to Dean, he wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't appear the same.

It would be different.

Even though he'd returned to Heaven to take charge of the mess it had undoubtedly become due to the absence of Michael, he hadn't forgotten how he felt about the human. Even though it had mostly been Jimmy's body allowing him to feel the sensations of touch and wonderment, he knew it was him that had mostly reacted to it.

He still loved Dean, even in Heaven. Even though he was an angel who wasn't technically supposed to feel, not like humans did anyway, he knew what he felt for Dean. He knew it was still present, still in the back of his mind.

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Sam was back, now. Dean didn't need him anymore. His brother would return to him one day and the two would be together again, Castiel was sure.

He knew Sam was back because he had felt his prayers, had felt it when he was yanked from Hell even though no one was sure why. The angels were mostly baffled and those that might have known something certainly weren't talking. He felt the urge to go to Sam but managed to stop himself. It wasn't that he necessarily hated the younger Winchester, it was just that he wasn't supposed to leave Heaven randomly, not when he was trying to put things back in order now that Michael was gone.

This new respect he got among the angels was certainly…strange, to put it mildly. He wasn't used to it and doubted he ever would. After having gone from a normal, soldier angel to a rebel who was running from Heaven and its army, and then to a highly respected angel was completely breathtaking, if angels needed to breathe. He liked the attention and respect, but sometimes…

Sometimes he missed being who he used to be. An angel on the run, staying with the Winchesters in the fight for the world. Team Free Will.

Every time he thought about it, a smile crossed his mostly nonexistent face. Angels didn't necessarily have a body or a form, but even so, they could smile. Warm feelings consumed him when he thought about those times. Sure, he'd been restored as an angel by God after the fight with Lucifer, but he had kept his memories, feelings, and emotions. He was kind of like a human angel now. The emotions of a human and yet the power of an angel.

Maybe that was what God had wanted all along. Who was to say?

He knew he felt them, though. The foremost being love. For Dean. Only and always for Dean. He didn't think it would ever go away, and a part of him prayed it didn't. What set him apart from all those other angels if he didn't have those feelings for Dean? If he didn't have Dean?

Maybe it was wrong for an angel to think like that, but he thought it nevertheless.

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Heaven was lonely.

He missed Dean. There was no getting around that. No one in Heaven called him Cas, and he never thought he would actually miss that nickname, but he sure did now. He missed the way Dean said it, the subtle smile in his voice each time he spoke the name, as though it were a hidden secret between the two of them. Castiel missed it all and he wasn't sure he would ever get it back. Dean was human. He would die one day, and the thought hurt, for the most part, even though Dean would surely come here, to Heaven, when the time came. He hoped it wasn't soon but at the same time, he did.

He missed Dean.

Dean never called for him, though, didn't even seem to want him to come. Didn't seem to be thinking about him all, happy with Lisa and Ben. From what he could see from Heaven whenever he checked on them, Dean was happy, laughing, smiling, being like a father to Ben…he would make a great Dad.

Lisa and Ben were lucky to have him. And Dean was lucky to have Lisa and Ben. Castiel was lonely, though - he couldn't be there. He was here, in Heaven, and Dean was down there, with them.

So he watched, and waited, lending help when he could, silently trying to be close to his former charge even though his place was in Heaven, with his brothers and sisters, while Dean's place was down there with Lisa and Ben.

And then Dean called for him, one day.

And Castiel went without a second thought, without hesitation.

Because he still felt the same.

He still loved Dean Winchester.

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Good, bad? I think it's horrible, personally, but I got the thought in my head and the song was tempting me, hehe. Anywho, thanks for reading! Sorry if it sucks out loud! Please review!

Also, the next chapter of Hear Me Now should be up soon, either tonight or tomorrow, I'm not sure yet. Thanks again! Reviews are love!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, so…I wasn't going to write more of this but people put it on alerts and hinted things of a next chapter, and so here I am. If you want me to do more, then I will, but if not…then this is the last chapter. Thanks for reading and thanks for the reviews! Please continue to do so? ;) Thanks so much! Sorry it's so short...

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**I Still Feel the Same**

2

Dean's voice was loud and clear in the angels' head as he flew through the air, searching for where that tugging sensation was trying to guide him. He had always felt a sort of bond with the elder Winchester, after all, and he had never questioned it. Dean was actually praying, it seemed, if those niggling words at the back of Castiel's mind were anything to go by, and that in and of itself was a miracle. Dean wasn't known for praying, after all. Castiel was pretty sure that if he hadn't raised Dean from Hell and the Apocalypse had started, Dean still wouldn't, to this day, believe in angels or Heaven or God or anything like that.

_And now I lay me down to sleep._

Dean? Using one of the oldest prayer-starters in the book? A smile flittered quickly across Castiel's face…or, more accurately, the face of Jimmy Novak. He had become sort of attached to this body and he guessed the human part of him, the memories and the emotions, left him feeling sentimental for this form. He and this body had been through a lot, after all. And besides, it was the form Dean and Sam would most recognize. When he had left Heaven, he had been surprised to find himself already entering into this body even though it shouldn't have even still existed. Strange, how powerful angels were at times. He had almost forgotten…and yet he hadn't.

_I pray to Castiel…_

Dean was praying to _him_, of all angels? Well…that made something warm course through Castiel. His love for the human throbbed deeply.

…_to get his feathery ass down here._

And of course Dean had to go and ruin the moment.

Feathery? His ass, if he were to use such crude words, was certainly not feathery. In fact, even in angel form, it wasn't. It simply…was just there, but yet it wasn't. And in human form…well, humans certainly didn't have feathery asses.

_C'mon, Cas, don't be a dick. _

Leave it to Dean to insult him and pray for him at the same time. A faint smile appeared across the angel's face as he soared through the air, pinpointing the Winchesters' location. They were in some hotel in Pennsylvania.

_We've got ourselves a plague-like situation down here…_

Plague-like situation? Well, that certainly didn't sound good. It actually sounded like the Staff of Moses, to be honest. It had been stolen from Heaven, along with a few other weapons. They had been safely tucked under lock and key but now, they were loose among mankind, which was always cause to worry. It wasn't that he didn't trust or like humans - he was in love with one, after all - but when the wrong kind of weapons got put into their hands, well…chaos tended to follow and ensnare the world. And that was bad, right? It certainly wasn't good.

_Do ya…Do ya copy?_

Dean's voice sounded so shy, so…hopeful and yet frightened, as though he thought Castiel might ignore his call. The angel could never do that, though, even if he wanted to…which he didn't. He arrived at the hotel a moment later and zapped into the room, startling Dean slightly as he glanced up quietly from the bed, his eyes widening a bit.

"…He's right behind me, isn't he?" Sam mumbled before looking to see Castiel standing there, looking at him in return.

Castiel took in a small breath and exhaled slowly. "Hello."

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How awesome was last night's episode? Seriously ;) Anyway, thanks for reading! Reviews are love! Let me know if you want me to write more or not, 'cause otherwise, this is it. Thanks!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~


	3. Chapter 3

So, it occurred to me that in last night's episode, 6.03, Castiel teleported a _lot_. Like…way more than any of the previous seasons. And he used his angel abilities a lot more, too. Also, there was the mentioning of the 'profound bond' Dean and Cas apparently share, hehe ;) Can we say 'awesome'? But anyway. This is kind of like a missing scene for the end of the episode.

This is also the final part in this story. :( Sorry, but I don't know where else to go with it, really, haha. It was always meant to be short. If you really want me to write more and continue, though, then feel free to give me ideas! I'm always up for a challenge ;) Thanks!

Anyway, thanks for reading and thank you so much for your comments! I really appreciate it...so much! ;)

Enjoy! Reviews are love!

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**I Still Feel the Same**

3

"Dean."

Dean jerked in surprise and spun around, sending the angel a small glare as he shut the trunk to the Impala. "Oh, now you decide to show back up? What the hell, Cas? You just up and left us there. The least you could have done was take us back to the damn care." He scowled and moved to throw his duffel into the back seat of the Impala. Sam was nowhere to be seen, thankfully. Not that Castiel didn't like the other Winchester…it was just that he was more comfortable with Dean. Not to mention he loved the human…he was pretty sure that played a fairly profound role in their relationship.

"I am sorry," Castiel said slowly, not exactly sure what to say. He had left, as Dean had put it. After Balthazar, he'd vanished as well. Mostly it was because he knew what he had done, freeing Balthazar, had angered the human and he did not like to be the subject of Dean's anger. "I…did not realize you wanted me to stay."

That was also true, Castiel realized as he thought about it. He did not mind staying with the human, kind of like old times when he'd become human himself, but if Dean was uneasy with it, he would leave. It seemed he had enough on his plate with Sam, if those confused looks from earlier were anything to go by. If he had to guess, he'd say that Dean was suspicious of the younger Winchester. But that was really none of the angel's business, now was it? So he kept his mouth shut and waited patiently for Dean to respond, staring at the human in that way that he tended to do.

Dean shrugged. "Whatever." He jerked his head in the direction of the passenger seat. "You can come with, if you want. Me and Sammy are staying in a hotel a few miles away. He went to get some more salt. I'm supposed to pick him up at the store."

Castiel cocked his head to the side innocently. "I will go with you," he stated as he teleported himself into the passenger seat of the car with a faint flutter of his wings. Dean stiffened and turned to find him already in the car. "Are we going or not?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Friggin' angels," he muttered before he got in as well and revved the engine, smiling faintly at the sound. His strange love for the Impala was confusing to Castiel. Wasn't the car an inanimate object? A mere vehicle? And yet Dean treated it like family, was protective of it, kept in nice and clean. Some human tendencies, Castiel believed he would never understand…no matter how hard he tried.

Dean drove for a minute or so in silence. Not even the radio was on, which Castiel thought strange. Dean loved his music, even though Castiel didn't quite share the same interests. Honestly, modern music confused him. Dean's was loud and kind of annoying, but…it had a certain feel to it. A feel that could only be classified as _Dean_. He wouldn't be Dean without it, at least in Castiel's mind.

"So…" Dean started slowly. Castiel looked at him. "What's with all the teleporting?"

"What do you mean?" The angel frowned.

"You don't even bother to _walk_ anymore, Cas." Dean gave him a sideways glance, momentarily shifting his gaze away from the road. It always made the angel a little nervous when he did that, stopped looking at the road. "I think I've seen you teleport more this past day than I have the entire time I've known you. And that's saying a lot."

Dean must have been referring to when Castiel would appear in the hotel room and Dean would declare very stubbornly that he 'needed a bell', to which Castiel had replied that he 'certainly did not' because it would 'look foolish'.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Castiel said honestly, his brows furrowed in confusion. These humans never ceased to be confusing, he had found out the past few years.

Dean shrugged. "What's with the teleporting?" he asked again, as though something had changed in the past few seconds and suddenly Castiel would know _exactly_ what to say.

The angel shook his head. "Does it bother you?" he asked.

"Not really. Just don't sneak up on me. Again."

"Fair enough."

"And while we're at it," Dean continued, turning his focus back to the road, "what's with that whole 'profound bond' crap you were spewing earlier?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. What was that all about?" Another sideways glance. Then back to the road.

Castiel fidgeted slightly in his seat, happy that Dean was looking at the road and not at him to see it happen. When he had spoken those words, told Dean about the bond, he hadn't necessarily known what he was saying. He had just been forced to deal with the younger Winchester's anger at having shown up for Dean and not him when he'd called out to him through prayers, time and time again. The truth of the matter was the bond…but it was more than that. Somewhere along the line, it had changed from a mere bond between charge and angel, and had turned into a deep love that the angel felt for said charge. How was he supposed to explain that to Dean without upsetting the human? Dean didn't take kindly to 'chick-flick moments', as he put it so elegantly.

"Cas?" Dean prompted, wanting an answer.

Castiel shrugged. "You're my charge," he stated simply. It explained the bond, didn't it? Just not the…immense feeling behind it. So he wasn't lying.

"Not anymore."

Castiel frowned. "You'll always be charge." But it was more personal than that.

"Cas, that ended a while ago," Dean said, giving him a look. "When you returned to Heaven. Remember?"

"Dean."

"We went our separate ways."

Castiel shook his head, not knowing how to say what he wanted to say, needed to tell the human, his charge. No matter what Dean thought, he would always be Castiel's charge. It was a deep-seeded bond that would never go away, for either party involved, whether or not Dean acknowledged it. It would always be there. Castiel had returned to Heaven, yes, but not in an effort to cease the bond he shared with Dean. That was just absurd.

"It's still the same, Dean."

"Is it?" Dean looked thoughtful.

"Yes." Castiel nodded, frowning at him. Dean glanced at him and their eyes met for a brief moment. They had always been known for their 'staring contests', as Sam had so nicely put it one day with a roll of his own eyes. "I did not go to Heaven to abandon you. I went because…I…" He shrugged. Now that he was back with Dean, it was hard to remember why he had left in the first place. "I went because my family needed me."

There it was. Plain and simple. His brothers and sisters in Heaven had been lost without Michael. They still were. It was chaos up in Heaven, really, a civil war brewing steadily, angels killing their brothers and sisters. And for what? None of them would listen to Castiel. Balthazar and Raphael were proof of that, right? Castiel wanted to stop the fighting but he feared he could not.

It was started to look hopeless all over again.

"You okay?" Dean asked suddenly, placing a gentle hand on the angel's shoulder. Castiel felt warm at the contact, especially since Dean didn't touch people very often.

"I am fine," Castiel told him. Then he paused and sighed heavily. "You know…how we were…back then…"

"Huh?"

"Before the end."

"What about it?" Dean's tone was slightly guarded as he released his grip on Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel shrugged slowly, trying to find the right words. "We were…close. You and I…and Sam." Including Sam took away from the depth of meaning hidden behind his words, but Sam had been there too, after all. He was a part of everything. It wasn't like Castiel was going to come out and tell Dean he loved him anyway. Dean didn't like moments like that and he might get freaked out, like he occasionally had the tendency to do. He had a particular comfort zone, and though it was wider than most humans', it still had a limit.

And hearing that an angel had love for you was definitely something that would take anyone out of their comfort zone. Castiel did not wish to make things more awkward than they had to be. He didn't want to run Dean off so soon after he'd gotten back from Heaven and joined the fight again.

"I guess we were," Dean mused, snapping the angel from his thoughts.

"I still feel the same."

"Huh? I think Heaven screwed with your brain," Dean told him. "You're not making much sense at all. Less so than usual."

"I mean I still feel the same. About you…and Sam."

"Oh…um, okay?" Dean seemed more than a little confused and uncomfortable.

"I mean…we were friends, back then," Castiel started again. "We were close. I felt like you…and Sam…were all I had."

Dean said nothing, clenching his hands tightly around the steering wheel, a muscle jumping in his jaw.

"And…I know I'm not human anymore. I know I left and returned to Heaven." He took in a slow breath. "But I still feel the same."

"…Yeah?"

"Yes."

Dean gave him a long look, barely focusing on the road, and then nodded as though that answer were enough for him. Castiel relaxed in the passenger seat, enjoying the company and the scenery around them as the car sped down the road.

Dean's warm tone was a welcome sound to Castiel's ears.

"Welcome back, Cas."

_

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Thanks for reading! I'm glad you have read it and reviewed and liked it, if you have done so, lol ;) Thanks so much!

~Muffy the Dough Slayer~


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